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I learned something crazy today.I knew some information was coming my way and I tried to avoid it as long as possible, leaving on my long-sleeved shirt all morning as I repotted plants and hauled bags of topsoil in the sun. But eventually it just got too hot, and the shirt came off, and mom saw the new tattoo.
And I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before, I feel so naïve, but luckily she was here to inform me: Women. Do. Not. Get. Tattoos.
(You know what else women didn’t used to do? I refrained from saying. Science.)
Instead I replied, Could we just not make a big deal of this? And so she stared, and stared. With her mouth open. And eventually she said, Are you happy you got that? Not in the tone of Well if it makes you Happy but rather in the tone of I hope you’re Happy with yourself young lady.
And I said – with no sarcasm or defensiveness at all, which I think I should get some credit for - that I was quite happy, and I wouldn’t have gotten a tattoo unless it was something I’d be happy with. And she said well she just thought maybe I got it when I was drunk.
Oh, mothers. They always know just what to say.
And I know, I know it is bad form to bitch about my mom when the very reason I have suddenly found myself on the east coast is the death of one of my friend’s parents. But I think it helps me take it all in stride when I can lay it out here to laugh about. It’s kind of like being in the Balkans.
Wait, there’s more. Women Do Not Get Tattoos because why, you ask? Because (adopt appropriate look of mingled horror and defeat): Can you imagine it with a beautiful wedding dress?
And I’m pretty sure she’s been around for the past fifteen years, but sometimes it’s like we’ve never met. Sometimes she’s like the goldfish in the Ani Difranco song. The little plastic castle is a surprise every time.
(And also, can you imagine how disappointed everyone else would be if I showed up at my wedding in some sort of beautiful wedding dress?)
posted by tortaluga @ 10:45 PM
7 Comments:
Hmm... I hadn't realized. I'll let the others know.
What? No weddingcakeconfection of frills, sequins and ruffles? Does this mean your 17 bridesmaids won't be identically attired in shades of lilac taffeta?
adrienne, you are hereby required to wear some incarnation of lilac taffeta to my wedding.
dave, you too.
I guess I should tear up my undergrad diploma and quit graduate school right now too... and buy a nice frilly dress... maybe we should all start checking the newspapers for mates.
maybe buy a cookbook?? or a vacuum cleaner?
don't you dare quit grad school, melissa. it's an excellent place to meet a man.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Don't worry - there are acids that can burn that off.
im only coming if your mom bellows sheryl crows "IF IT MAKES YOU HAAAAAPPPPY" at the wedding!
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