mobility
When I was twenty one my friend M married a girl I'd met only once, and their honeymoon was a ten day hike. When they returned I was eager to hear the stories but as it turned out they hardly hiked at all, because on the first day she pushed too hard and strained her ankle or her knee or something, and after that they basically sat around the waterside for a week reading books to each other.And I remember my reaction to this, which was basically No Fucking Way. I didn't like the idea of this wussy girl being my hiker friend's wife, and I didn't understand his seeming indifference to their aborted trip. I was an only child, after all - a status that was, just for the record, not my fault - and at twenty one I wanted to do what I wanted when I wanted, jobs and family gatherings and boyfriends and so on be damned. At twenty one I was fairly sure that everyone had a list of things they most wanted to do, as I did, and that any deviation from this list was either selling out or compromising oneself.
At thirty I hardly know a person who hasn't made big decisions because of someone else: moving or not moving, skipping a trip, staying in a crappy job, generally avoiding horror movies or heights or dairy. Also at thirty, not so coincidentally, I hardly know a person who hasn't dealt with their own big shit. It's near impossible to go thirty years without illness, injury, unemployment, depression, or loss of someone close. The unavoidable unexpected.
And I'm not embarrassed at the list I kept when I was twenty one - there was some pretty cool shit on it that I managed to do. And I still keep a list, to be honest, because there is quite a lot still to be done. But I'm glad to be rid of the cocky integrity I ascribed to it, the do-or-die decisiveness that didn't leave much room for revision. At thirty I know who among my friends says Sure, come stay in the guest room, says, We were going biking but instead we'll be there to help you move, says, I guess Mt Hood is no good with your ankle so how about a drive in movie? And I know who among my friends knows to call me up whenever, knows that I will get there, knows that everything else will wait.
It's funny, how what used to feel like compromise now feels like the whole point. I think I like being thirty.
posted by tortaluga @ 9:16 PM
2 Comments:
Geeez! You are such a bad ass. Seriously, I am so glad you are on my side oh great and sacrificing Kickball Queen.
Your friends are lucky to have you! What an inspired post, so true. I've just stumbled upon your blog and really dig it.
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