she's gone from suck to...
I’m reading Kurt Vonnegut. I haven’t read him since I was eighteen, when I read everything he wrote that I could get my hands on and it Changed My Life the way Kurt Vonnegut is supposed to when you’re eighteen. And then I put him aside, and I cautiously avoided his books for over ten years. Because I don’t like losing heroes. I was worried that he wouldn’t be what I remembered.
But since my Portland Life started picking up steam I have been frantic for fuel; I am remembering what it is like to be in motion and to be excited for exciting things. I am even trying out some things that haven’t excited me for quite some time.
So I picked up Kurt Vonnegut. And I picked up David Brower, because ecology used to get me excited too. As I remember it I had big plans to study landscape architecture in order to Make Cities Better, in order to help people build healthy vibrant places to live. And then I started working eight to five in a windowless office tower, and I wasn’t very good at the working, and all the stuff outside the office tower didn’t seem to be coming together either. Last winter felt so full of defeat.
Tomorrow morning, though, I have an interview for a job that is mostly like my job but full time. And it will still be located in the bleak building and for weeks and weeks I was deciding: do I really want to do this full time just for health insurance and a better resume? And I decided, with complete certainty: No.
Which then allowed me to realize why I do want to do this full time. Because I believe in this shit. I believe in much of the same naïve crap I believed in at eighteen. Or at least I believe that abandoning it because it’s so naïve does me no good. I need to believe that I make things happen that make other things happen that make the world more like I want it to be, whether it fails a lot or not. That’s how I get out of bed in the morning.
The northwest has given me a healthy dose of Fuck It, has given me the perspective that I needed coming out of
Seems like the only kind of job an American can get these days is committing suicide in some way, says Vonnegut’s truck driver. This is the part where I remember that windows or no windows, this is what I was looking for. A job where I make neighborhoods safer and healthier. Even if it feels slow. Even if I’m not good at it yet.
This is the part where I read David Brower. Don't expect politicians, even good ones, to do the job for you, he writes. Politicians are like weather vanes. Our job is to make the wind blow.
posted by tortaluga @ 11:52 PM
8 Comments:
thank you for reminding me of why I want to finish my MLA. My reasons are very similar to yours. and though I've been looking at kick ass firms in the area doing the shit the makes places better, I've been caught up in the 'must dress correctly for an interview' and 'must make a good first impression' to the extent that I've forgotten why I want to talk to them in the first place.
and now that I have my sterile cheap interview clothes I can forget about the stupid clothes and have fun getting to know projects.
and soon, I'll be wearing funky clothes to work. because I feel more inspired if I'm not strapped into sterile ick.
or maybe i'll just wear funky undergarments. Then no one will know why I'm smiling, but i'll look professional.
hahahahaHAHAHAHA this is the most fabulous comment because i'm sitting here at my keyboard three hours away from my interview and under my knee length gray skirt? i have a big pink butterfly on my ass.
great minds think alike.
a butterfly? on your ass!?!
that's awesome.
how was your interview?????
yup. green skivvies, pink trim, big pink butterfly across the ass. with sparkles. chosen specifically for good interview juju, and so that if i got nervous i could think, i have a big pink butterfly on my ass.
which, i think, worked rather well. more details to follow.
I have the coolest friends. Who, I suspect, both kicked ass at their interviews and will kick ass at their jobs, even if they aren't good at them at first, because well, who is?
...a person who is not challenging themselves.
Forget the funky clothes, I'm thinking I might go for blue and orange striped hair, I mean something has to turn this hideous haircut humorous! Maybe I'll glue in some rhinestones, for your suggested juju.
Sparkles make everyone happy.
I cannot believe you all have forgotten the most important piece of wisdom I ever bestowed in 3 years of grad school!!! ALWAYS wear fabulous sexy underwear any time you have to present, interview, or otherwise hang yourself out on a limb or take the flying leap off a cliff.
sigh. the young always discount the lifetime of knowledge imparted by their elders...
I think the wisdom you bestowed upon us was the original inspiration for the sexy underwear. the funky is just a slight twist. :)
Well said.
Post a Comment
<< Home