low bar
A couple weeks ago I called an old friend whom I can always rely on for brutally honest insight – the kind that you need to hear, but the kind that you can only stand to hear from someone who will deliver it with humor and love.Why is Operaman doing thing X? I asked him. Does it mean he just doesn’t like me?
And my friend – a person who does not need coercion to give his opinion if he thinks it will be helpful and/or entertaining - told me that he could come up with an explanation, or that I could keep myself awake nights trying to figure out why O is acting the way he is. But perhaps we would all be spared unnecessary heartache if I just asked him.
Which, at first, sounded like the sort of immediately-obvious advice that my friend is known for. Brilliant!
But which, a couple weeks later, I think is bullshit.
Because here’s a thing I’ve figured out in the past two years. And I don’t mean this in a cynical way, in a twice-bitten / fuck you / woman scorned kind of way. I just mean there it is, no way around it, whatcha gonna do. People Lie.
People in relationships lie all the fucking time. I don’t mean the deliberate deception kind of lies like I have to work late. I mean the vague bluffing kind of lies like I think we can make this work. Of course I’m still attracted to you. I can’t wait to see you again.
And I don’t think it’s so common because people are mean. I think most people, when they say these things, want to believe them. They just don’t stop to think about the consequences for the other person who might believe them too.
So whatever Operaman may be saying to me, when it comes down to it he’s not particularly compelled to spend time with me. He finds less and less time to come up, and finds more and more reasons not to invite me down. And I don’t know why he calls and emails and texts and generally talks to me all the time with affection and warmth as if there’s nothing out of the ordinary, as if it’s perfectly normal to be really into someone without ever actually seeing them. I don’t know why and I guess it doesn’t matter.
I’d love to be in a great relationship right now, but at this point I’d feel lucky to date someone who would just break up with me. Break up with me and tell me about it, and not make me do it myself.
posted by tortaluga @ 10:22 AM
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