mezza voce
In midDecember I predicted a trainwreck with Operaman, but as it happened we just pulled into the station and got off.I guess that’s about right for our relationship, which never managed to build up the sort of speed required for a bloody ending. And that there was what killed it of course. It was so ambiguous: the sort of quirky / comfortable being together that was exactly on, but then no mention of where we might be headed. It works for a while. I even tried to be optimistic about it. It seemed like the sensible realistic kind of relationship I’ve heard so much about. Sensible and realistic and uninspiring.
In the end I said This feels so precarious and in my head I had a list I’d been assembling during the past few weeks, mostly between the hours of three and five in the morning, of exactly how I wanted to fix that feeling – how we could do differently the little things that leave us feeling unsafe. But then just when the sentence came out of my mouth I realized the symptoms probably weren’t the problem. Probably the problem was that with Operaman’s plateful of commitments, he was never All In. We’ve been acting like it’s doomed because all along he’s been certain it’s doomed.
I wish that I could be pissed at him, or that I felt like getting all drunk and being broken. But what I’ve got is a wholly unsatisfying dry disappointment. And here’s familiar for you: Let’s do this half-assed, and that way when it ends because we did it half-assed at least we won’t have invested too much. And as a bonus we’ll never get to know what might have happened if we’d had balls.
posted by tortaluga @ 11:56 AM
5 Comments:
funny thing, that boys are the ones without balls.
Oh, I've met quite a few ladies without huevos as well... I think it's always just the opposite sex that lacks them, whichever that opposite happens to be.
`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you have of putting things!'
`It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
`Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours."'
It was more eloquent in my mind at the time, but my new years resolution went something like this:
wear 'em like you've got a pair.
really that sounds just perfect for a new year's resolution.
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