milestones
Today, to celebrate the new month, I flipped out.
I got a call from my temporary editing job reminding me that I have one paycheck left. Not that these paychecks are paying for much. Some of my friends earn my hourly wage every four minutes. (No, really.) But the job has been covering my summer, as long as I fly at six in the morning and don’t eat too much. Luckily I lose my appetite in the heat.
So I need to find a job. And I hate finding jobs. I am terrible at networking, and I am terrible at talking to people I don’t know on the phone, and somehow even the idea of a resume is freaking me out at the moment. And all of these things I’m terrible at are driving me crazy, because I’m not really at all terrible at actually doing a job.
But today I woke up feeling panicky and unqualified for anything I would possibly want to do, and I also need to find a place to live, and it all felt rather overwhelming. And then my friend from DC, whom I missed when I was in DC, called to tell me he was in Austin, but would miss me in Austin, and we ended the conversation in an unsatisfying let’s-both-be-victims humph.
And I went back to work and suddenly four people i.m.ed me at once, and I am bad at i.m. multitasking, and one of them was the totally unreliable Dutch guy I had a small crush on in Amsterdam, who now wants to come visit me in November. Which I’d love to look forward to except I already know he is TOTALLY UNRELIABLE and if I make any sort of plan with him I will look forward to it and then he will flake out and how many times do I have to learn THAT particular lesson.
Except then! DC friend surprised me at the door, and we had glass bottles of mineral water on the back deck for fifteen minutes until he had to go to his work function. And then swing dance guy called and he’s picking me up tomorrow at seven. And then La came home and she and Marc and I made salads with all the veggies from the farmer’s market, and we marinated eggplant, and we put a big fat organic free-range grass-fed
Which I ate a big piece of, in honor of the end of my one-day pity party and the first of August in
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