alternatively
I might be just the smallest bit oversensitive, at the moment, to someone suddenly wanting to check out. I might be just the littlest bit overwary that expressing interest in a person will cause him to freak out, given my recent record. There is the most marginal possibility that Operaman has not, in fact, decided we are done; that perhaps – according to a conversation we had last night – much of this general downturn came from a single misunderstanding about what I am looking for, followed by a few weeks of not getting that sorted out.And so I grudgingly admit that my advice-giving friend who advised Just Ask Him may indeed have been onto something. I Just Asked Him, and when he didn’t seem to understand what I was asking I Just Asked Him two more times in different ways, which was excruciating. But then he understood, and he answered me, and I listened.
And this weekend was good for me in terms of figuring out for myself what I need here, and for accepting that if I can’t get it I need to move on. But O pointed out that there’s a whole part in the middle there. A part where I have to express my needs, and make sure that expression is clear and understood, and give him a shot at meeting them. Holy shit! Excellent point! And you know? I don’t think I have ever, ever been very good at that.
posted by tortaluga @ 2:38 PM
3 Comments:
It is something that has been pointed out to me a couple times, and seems so obvious but always seems to escape me. I tend to work really hard at something. then, if it doesn't work I walk away. without having communicated to or with anyone about why it wasn't working. It isn't an easy thing to be good at. and it isn't an easy thing to remember.
ummhmm. yes, we all have a bit of this going on. but (i'm certainly not bragging) i trump you both with the whole deciding something is wrong (and physically running) in 8 seconds or less.
pull up a couch, this session starts....now.
oh, wait, I have more to say.
this whole asking for what you need thing (that we talked about last summer)? well, i've decided there is more to it. though i think we always know what we need, it often takes a while to realize and accept it. which tends to be a place people will linger for a bit.
ok, thats it.
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