the (other) rule(s)
A while back some dumbasses wrote a book about The Rules for getting in a relationship. And to add to this great tome of relationship advice literature, I hereby add the rules for getting out of one. Actually, just one rule. One painfully obvious rule that I take for granted adults know and understand. Except, alas, that isn’t true. So here it is in writing. The Rule for ending things:Everyone Gets A Little Something.
So, for example. Let’s take your average run of the mill ending of things, the one where One Person may still be interested but The Other Person just isn’t. Now if this rule had any influence whatsoever, if I were being Ambitious and Idealistic, I would say the rule is: The Other Person should thoughtfully and respectfully let The One Person know. But who the fuck are we kidding?
So in an effort to approximate reality, all I ask is that Everyone Gets A Little Something.
Which means, if it is absolutely necessary for The Other Person to do that thing where instead of just saying something they send out all kinds of This Isn’t Working vibes, (perhaps even while saying things like Maybe This Could Work but that’s not the point here), even still, in the end, Everyone Gets A Little Something. Namely, The Other Person gets out of having to say out loud Let’s Call This Off, because having to say that out loud feels awful, and they also still get it ended. Meanwhile The One Person gets to save face, because even though everyone knows very well who is ending it, The One Person gets to say it. Which still feels awful, but at least feels like a choice.
You know when this all falls apart, though? It all falls apart when, after The One Person says Let’s Call This Off, The Other Person goes out of their way to say What A Relief!! Cause I’ve Gotten To Know You Pretty Well, And I Don’t Actually Like You That Much!
Because then The Very Same Person who just had to feel shitty and sad about calling it off NEXT has to feel shitty and sad about being rejected.
And I know that rules don’t work, because in the end there it’s every man for himself and everyone is being hurt in some way and no one wants to step up and say Ok, I can carry this, so that this person whose feelings I cared about a short while ago has a slightly lighter burden. I know, it’s not likely. But one of the great things about adulthood is you can actually learn that sometimes, once in a while, there is a Right Thing To Do, and it doesn’t always feel good but sometimes you choose to do it anyway, even in the heat of the moment, even when you don’t want to feel bad, because it’s the kind of person you want to be.
Everyone Gets A Little Something.
posted by tortaluga @ 10:57 AM
1 Comments:
we will have beer...and wine...and tequila and gin.
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