strike that

unconventional

The Oregon Brownfields Conference is a lot more fun than you might think. And by “fun” I mean “fun if you like conferences.” Which, it turns out, I don’t.

There are things about conferences that I like. The menu of sessions, for example. Opening up the conference catalogue gives me the sort of thrill that other people might get from an REI circular or a good list of whiskey. All those possibilities! Tackling Former Landfills or Effective Strategies to Manage Liability – how can one choose?

And the exhibit booths! So much miscellany and schwag. Liquid Boot waterbottles. GeoEngineers keychains. Tote Bags Unending.

But the social dynamic of a conference is not my forte, at least not this week. This week I was feeling antisocial. It doesn’t happen often, and when it happens I can usually bluff. I can usually summon up the energy to Pose Thoughtful Questions and soon enough I’m actually interested in the answers, and things go fine. But at a conference, everyone has a Secret Agenda. Or a Not So Secret Agenda. And I’ve just never been good at this kind of loaded interaction.

Exhibitors at a conference are looking for clients. Clients at a conference are looking for deals and connections. Everyone is looking for partners. And I recognize that this is a Good and Necessary Thing. But there I am with my eight weeks of experience, and my complete lack of power and influence, and I have nothing to offer these people. I just want to learn. And after four hours they are weary of introductions, and they are strategic with their time. Even the water filtration guy didn’t seem very anxious to tell me about water filtration when it was clear I didn’t need any water filtered.

Conferences are also a painful reminder of how public presentation is not an innate ability. I personally don’t understand how one can sit through a single presentation ever and not absorb some basic principles of delivery. Principles like, Appear At Least Mildly Interested In Your Subject Matter. And, Define Obscure Acronyms. And, Don’t Use Six Point Font In Your PowerPoint. Alas, numerous presenters are evidently impervious to Common Presentation Sense. There is a particular conference drone that presenters tend to embrace with stubborn consistency, and it sparks a deep rage in me. I sit at my table digging my nails into my palms in an effort to keep from yelling For God’s Sake This Topic Is So Cool And Yet You Apparently Have No Soul. Because if you yell that sort of thing they take away your complimentary drink ticket.

Although, for the record, I skipped the reception.

posted by tortaluga @ 12:11 PM