don't tell my heart
This weekend I accidentally went on a date.I didn’t think it was going to be a date. I thought it was going to be me and a friend-of-a-friend and maybe another person or two getting together for an event we were all interested in attending.
But then the event got cancelled, and the “maybe another person or two” got cancelled. It’s cancelled but I’d still like to go out with you, is what the Accidental Date said to me on the phone in the afternoon. The wording caught in my head for a second, but I assumed he meant It’s cancelled but we might as well do something anyway since it’s Saturday night.
I did not think it was going to be a date because I have been sending out zero flirty vibes in the past few weeks. If I’m sending out any vibes at all, they are saying something like I am a bitter and moody girl who cries at inappropriate times and has started drinking a lot more than before.
When we were all out last week on the night we made the original event plans, I looked up at one point and noticed that the Accidental Date was quite attractive. And my immediate thought was He’s quite attractive! He should hook up with that cute girl at the end of the table. That is how much dating is not on my mind right now.
So I was a little surprised when I opened the door Saturday night and the Accidental Date had a bottle of wine.
OH, is what I thought, when I opened the door. Wine.
I thought you might like this wine, is what he said. But what I heard was, I had this bottle of wine so I brought it for us to drink. Like maybe the wine was for economic reasons - cheaper than the bar! - or… I have no idea. Rationalization is a wondrous thing.
We talked for a while in my living room, drinking wine, and I thought, Ok, we have good rapport, but so what? Last week I took great interest in an article about New York condos. That doesn’t mean I’m in the market.
We went to dinner and he paid. This is just a friendly thing, said my head. Why divide the bill when he can just pay for dinner, and then I can pay for drinks after? We went to drinks after. He paid.
Now, I’m not gonna say I was unpleasant during this evening, but I was not turning up the charm. I was not going out of my way to be likable. And though the dateyness of the evening became more and more difficult to deny, I still wasn’t flirting. I was vigilantly not flirting. I kept my hands in my pockets. I kept my feet under my chair. This is just friendly! I insisted, as we shared a piece of cake.
We stayed out until late, and then he said nice, datey things to me, and then he went home.
And despite my best efforts, I kinda had fun. It felt good to have someone show up at my door with a bottle of wine, and ask me questions, and take me out. And he was cute and funny and interesting, though I tried not to care too much. I would like to go out with him again. But afterwards, replaying the accidental date in that silly post-date way, I couldn’t shake the feeling I’d cheated on Operaman.
posted by tortaluga @ 12:10 PM
1 Comments:
the feeling that you cheated on Operaman or the feeling that you cheated on your moody bitterness and sadness surrounding Operaman?
Not that there's anything wrong with being moody and bitter right now. In fact, it's pretty normal. I'm just saying...
Also, "It’s cancelled but I’d still like to go out with you," always means "I'D STILL LIKE TO *GO OUT* WITH *YOU*".
:)
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